holy-cow.se : My Coming Out

By Dee

Coming Out of the Cocoon – Day Three

My plan for the day was to visit a wig store to find a new wig, then back to Nordstrom to figure out which dress to buy, and go from there. It probably took an hour to do my prep; shave (face, chest), shower (reshave legs), then makeup. I followed the steps I had written down from Sephora (I took notes for each step). It was amateur hour as opposed to yesterday but I think I did ok.

I decided to go bold and wear a dress, as opposed to a top and skirt. I wore a purple dress that I liked and suited me. I figured if I was going to walk out of Nordstrom in a dress, I could walk in wearing a dress. I also thought about wearing a dress to the wig shop and then changing into a top and skirt, but decided to be bold and go for it.

I was at the wig store for probably 45 minutes. The store had a private room, and the assistant tried several different wigs on me. My only wig was a short one. She pulled out four or five, and I tried on each, and we both decided on the new one (good color, framed my face better, and makes me look a little more feminine). I liked the others too, but this one was it. She explained how to wear it, spent about five minutes trimming the bangs, and I wore it out of the shop. The assistant was cool with crossdressers and we discussed different aspects of it.

Next to Nordstrom, proudly wearing my new wig. Because Falon, the Nordstrom sales angel, was with a customer, I went and looked at the discount rack to see if I saw anything I liked (and saw several I had tried on the day before). Falon walked up to me and asked if she could help me, and because of the dress and the new wig, she didn’t know it was me until I said something, a small success.

I picked about four or five dresses to try on, and Falon said there was some new deliveries, so she had more dresses for me to try on, along with the two I had her hold for me, so once again I had about 15 to try on (back to being the kid in the candy shop). One by one I tried them all. I loved trying on all the dresses, whether they were formal (mother of the bride type), lacy, cold shoulders, all types–even the ones that were too small.

I was usually the only one in the dressing rooms and Falon was just outside so I was comfortable leaving the dressing room to have her zip me up (or down) or just get her opinion. She liked some of dresses, and I thanked her for including dresses of all varities, because they were fun to try on and imagine wearing somewhere. There was a form fitting blue dress, which I liked–Falon told me she owned the same dress (about six months later, I bought the same dress at Nordstrom Rack).

One of the dresses I tried on yesterday I loved from the start, and held it over from the previous day. I was 99% sure I was going to buy it. I ended up trying on three for Falon and another SA to judge, and they both thought this one was the best. I had Falon take off the tags and I wore it out of the store, proudly (three years later, it’s still my favorite dress).
I also bought a second dress, one with long sleeves. The advantage of long sleeves and a high neckline means I don’t need to shave my arms and chest., My wife doesn’t like when I shave my chest because it is prickly when it grows out (these days, I tend to shave my arms and chest regularly, and my wife doesn’t complain).

As I had both Falon and Diamond’s email addresses (and a secret email account of my own for CD purposes), I sent both emails thanking them for spending the time with me, and Falon mentioned to me how pleased she was to receive it. When I was purchasing the dress, I asked Falon if I could talk to her supervisor (I actually asked for the supervisor’s email, but Falon said I could talk to her if I wished). So the supervisor came over and I sang the praises of Falon and Diamond, and how they made me feel comfortable and allowed me to have a lot of fun. She was great too, said the dress looked great (and it does look great, I think. Paid more than I ever had or thought I would, and would do it again in a second).

Falon took the picture of me at the desk, and asked her for a hug (I was in girl mode, after all). After meeting with the supervisor, she gave me a second hug, and told me her day flew by and that I was fun to take care of. Wow, what a great thing to hear (I owe them another thank you email, with some photos too).

After Nordstrom I walked to Sephora to see if Julie (the SA who did my makeover) or Zach (the guy who set it up) were working, but they weren’t. So I got the store’s email and I will be sending them thank yous with pictures to show the new dresses and wig). The SA (another guy) I talked to said that he was glad to hear that I enjoyed myself.

I then went to Dress Barn, because they had been nice to me the year before on Halloween when I was dressed and tried on dresses. If I hadn’t already bought two dresses at Nordstrom, I would have bought another one. I did buy a necklace that goes well with the dress and wore it out of the store.

The next stop was a Designer Shoe Warehouse which was two shops down from the Dress Barn. I checked out the discount items (nothing that fit and/or I liked), and tried on the various size 11s they had in the store (I need 11W, so 11 is generally too small). I did find the a pair of scarlet shoes, but they were too small (I barely got them zipped up). So no sale.
I spent a lifetime being afraid to be in public dressed as a woman. That all changed in two days time.

In 48 hours, me, a meek and mild accountant:

1) Had my nails done in boy mode, and went back later dressed to buy nail polish and thank the SA;
2) Walked into a semi-crowded mall in girl clothes with no makeup to have a makeover at Sephora, try on 15+ dresses with the help of the Nordstrom SAs, had dinner at a cafe, walk through Nordstrom and the mall to Macy’s, where I tried on more dresses;
3) Went into a wig store for the first time, and bought a wig;
4) Walked into the same mall in a fairly bold dress in my new wig, and the SA who had spent two hours with me the day before didn’t know it was me;
5) Tried on 40 or 50 dresses in three different stores;
6) Went to two different shoe stores; and had a great time, and great conversations with the SAs I dealt with.

I did my homework, thought about places that I thought/knew would be CD friendly, talked to the SAs in drab to get their feeling on the subject, got names of the SAs to inform them by email or phone call of my plans, and just said, “screw this, I’m gonna do it”.

As others say (like Kandi), part of it (a lot of it) is attitude. If people see me, they will see a guy in a dress, but they don’t know it’s me in the dress (and my goal is to make sure it’s a pretty dress). In the unlikely event I see someone who knows me, who is going to put 2 + 2 together and know it is me? I’m probably the last person they would expect to be a CD.

I KNOW I don’t pass. I use my male name, and talk in my male voice. The SAs didn’t care. I had their contact details, and I planned to do it again, and they said I was welcome to do it again, and they wanted me to come back (and I said if/when I return, I will be wearing the dress I wore out today–I’m going to own it). Since then, I have been back to Nordstrom many times.

While in the car driving home, my wife called. She asked what I was doing, and I said I was driving home from St. Louis. So when she asks what I am doing, do I lie or tell the truth? I went with the truth. She asked if I went shopping dressed, and I said yes. She got upset, starting talking about what would happen if someone saw me, yada, yada, yada, and told me she didn’t want to talk. We were leaving for Paris in two days. It would make for a long trip if she wasn’t talking to me.

But I owned it this day; and I owned two beautiful dresses that fit me, a new wig I love, the promise of being able to do it again in the future, and perhaps a pissed off wife (she ended up being ok with it, and we had a great trip).

I would do it all again in a second. It was so much fun these two days.