A Confession

My purpose here is to help. To make even one person not feel so alone. I always do whatever I can to help, as often as I can. When someone reaches out to me, I try to provide a thoughtful response, to try and be real and honest in my response. I’ve helped girls get out their first time, I go out as often as I can if someone asks, I answer questions, provide real life experiences, do whatever I am able to support out community.

But there are two things you need to know about me. One, I am HORRIBLE with names, unless I meet someone in the right circumstances. If I have the ability to converse with you, look at you and call you by name in conversation, I’m good. But I often meet so many different people when out, I have a great deal of trouble remembering their names when I see them again or even where I met them. It’s not so much that my advanced age has robbed my memory, it’s that as Kandi I am often inundated with new connections, they are simply difficult for me to process. Plus being the unique person that I am, with a unique name, people do remember me (how many women like me do you really know?). That puts me at a disadvantage in terms of remembering each other.

Also, if I haven’t actually met you in the real world, it is difficult for me to remember a lot about you. I have a hard time with virtual relationships, making them real in my mind. I am a name to face person and with no face to have yet seen, I struggle.

Also, I never initiate contact with anyone. I do not contact my parents. I do not contact our children. I never contact my friends. My sisters….nope! No one. I am just not wired that way. Not that I’m not a good son, friend, father, etc., it’s just that I won’t be the one initiating the contact. So if you have reached out to me and I have not initiated a subsequent follow up, forgive me. Now, that said, if you simply say hello, I’ll probably dominate the conversation and/or respond at length. I am just not good at keeping in touch with people. So to those that have touched base with me, understand how my mind works and forgive me my inability to be the one that fosters that continued connection.

No one is perfect and I am very far from that.

Just a quick update from Keystone, I arrived safely and the two hurdles I had to overcome mentally before planning to attend challenged me a bit. I really don’t enjoy a drive of that length, especially since I drive for a living. It rained steadily for the entire trip and Pennsylvania (along with West Virginia) is uphill both ways and twisty and turny (yes, I made the words up). On the upside, I scored four tickets to see The Black Keys on my drive! I am going to see The Stones (with one daughter), Paul McCartney (with both girls) and the Keys (the entire family!) this year. Not bad if I say so myself! The other thing is my reticence to be in large groups of “our people”. Just like I don’t want to sit in the stands with a whole bunch of Browns fans, preferring to watch in a smaller group or alone at home, I like hanging in smaller groups. The whole “over the top” nature of any group gathering is just not me. I prefer my relative stealth mode when out. Noticed but not bothered. I’m some kind of odd introverted extrovert. Anyway, that’s just me and I am sure I’ll loosen up a bit. This paragraph was written after that drive and unloading my ridiculous amount of things into my room in the pouring rain. Well, it’s time to “flip myself” and join the group. Talk soon!!

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2019/03/22/a-confession/
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