Putting Things On vs. Wearing Things

There is a difference, a rather significant difference. Prior to my self-acceptance, I put on various articles of woman’s clothing. Some ill fitting lingerie and a too big dress. A two piece (purchased as a pair) skirt and top combo. Bra, panties and pantyhose underneath 15 layers of male clothing so no one would know. I was simply putting things on. That was both because I was principally disgusted with myself as well as the way I acquired clothing back then. That compulsion lead to putting things on, self acceptance lead to wearing things. I could draw a similar distinction to wearing women’s clothing vs. dressing like a woman, maybe I will someday.

I had no idea what size anything I was. Since I am male, I assumed I should be an XL in woman’s clothing (even before my weight loss, that wasn’t the case). I also bought clothing in the quickest possible fashion, grabbing whatever, paying quickly and getting out of Dodge as soon as I could. I simply put things on me.

Now, I wear women’s clothing because in many ways, I am a woman. Things fit properly. They are part of a well thought through outfit. I am proudly female!

Now being who and what I am now for quite some time, I still have times when I put things on and when I do, they are never comfortable or simply don’t feel right. Frankly, I feel stupid afterward. I’ll use the bra as an example. When I wear a bra and by that I mean it is performing it’s intended function of supporting breasts (be they my own or my enhanced breasts), it is comfortable and I do not even think about the fact that I am wearing it. But when I try to put one on as myself, my physique is such that the bra is not doing anything supportive, it’s just there. As such, I am fully aware of it the entire time I am wearing it. I have had this experience with other articles of clothing when they are not being “worn” for their intended purpose, they are just “put on” to scratch an itch.

I guess this is an analogy for my life, I “put on” a front for most of my life and now I “wear” who and what I am proudly! I’m certainly not perfect and not open to all of the world, but I am open to much of the world and am very proud of myself for doing so.

Wear it ladies!

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Bonus Post: November 11, 2020 – Yeah, I am skipping ahead chronologically, but this outing isn’t worth a full post. On this day, I had an electrolysis appointment where only one other human being would see me. So no need to do much outfit-wise. On the way there, I stopped at yet another antique mall which I spied along the way. No real story. I went very simple and casual this day.

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Not my greatest pictures, but I did get out this day.

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2020/11/13/putting-things-on-vs-wearing-things/
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Antiquing

October 30, 2020 – A few days back, my wife and I were doing some shopping for a remodeling project, on the other side of town. There I saw an antique mall!! That is what I call an outing destination, a frequent outing destination. So two days later, I made the drive again. Day two of a planned three day Kandi run.

This will not be a long story. The morning was busy, working out, grocery shopping for both us and my parents, a few other errands. Plus the dog was my constant companion (good because I love him and also a pain in the behind because I love our empty nest). I then got dressed knowing I would be masked the entire time out and that my outfit left very little skin exposed. That means quicker prep time.

I picked up this sweater recently at Piece Unique from the 90% off rack, so it was basically disposable. The rest of the outfit just fell together. As I have recently stated, I know the longer wig looks better, but this one is uber comfortable when out. The long wig is an enormous hassle, I am never really comfortable it it or any longer wig. I’ll live with my poor hair choices for a while anyway.

At the antique mall, I had a ball! There was so much to see and I just love browsing like that. My eyes light up at music related items, I get reminiscent seeing things from my youth. A pay phone! A rotary phone! A concert poster with tickets running $6! I could go on and on……

I finalized my Christmas shopping for one of the three people I give gifts to. I scored a few great beer glasses for myself and a wonderful old Brownie camera, circa before I was born, as I love tchotchkes like this.

But the best part was I got two framed Beatles photographs from their visit to Cleveland in 1966. One in a limo and one at their press conference. I also picked up a Beatles logo wall plaque. Score!!

This is all I ask for, a place to walk about, look at interesting things and maybe have a human interaction once in a while. I’m not asking too much, am I?

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Two and a half hours door to door (the dog was happy about that), a great outing on a crappy weather day.

Supper Club tonight!!!!!!

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2020/11/12/antiquing/
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ADHD-katten

Som vanligt, på förmiddagen, släpade jag mig ut till baksidan för att fylla på till ekorrarna.

Nu fyller jag halva burkarna med solrosfrön och resten med jordnötter.
När jordnötterna är slut, fortsätter de med solrosfrön av bara farten.

Att de äter solrosfrön visade det sig när en satt i fågelrestaurangen och åt en morgon. Hur den kommit dit är något av en gåta. Klättra går inte.

Hur som helst, när jag höll på med påfyllningen, kom Norpan farande. När det var färdigt, var hon borta.

Trodde jag. Det rasslade bekant av kattklor i träd och däruppe var hon.

Hon hade den där spanande blicken och sedan tittade hon ner på mig. Det blir ingen ”duktig katt” idag, tänkte jag och gick bort.

Hade jag sagt ”duktig katt”, hade öronen åkt tillbaka på henne och så hade hon varit 10 meter till upp i trädet. Jag känner henne nu, ADHD-katten.

Ville inte att historien skulle upprepas. Den skadan hade orsakats av fall från hög höjd. Just idag (11/11) är det 4 år sedan hon kom tillbaka skadad efter att ha varit borta i 17 dagar.

Stod i skymundan och tittade på hur hon sökte en väg ner. Hon sprang fram och tillbaka en kvart innan hon kom ner.

I morse förstörde jag glädjen för Norpan genom att såga ner möjligheten.

När jag stod där och smygkikade på Norpan, fick jag distans till anordningen som ser ut som ett trädklättrande skrotupplag. Så sjukt det blir när människan griper in i naturen.

from Flytten till landet https://zekezypt.com/2020/11/11/adhd-katten/
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Rainy Days and Thursdays……

Okay, I coopted a Mama’s and Papa’s song title here, but I have to do this hundreds and hundreds of times, so cut me some slack!

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October 29, 2020 – So this week I am hoping for a three day Kandi run. We are dog sitting for a week, which puts a bit of a crimp on my activities. I booked (you have to do that now) a visit to the Akron Art Museum on a very rainy day. I am in a complete masked situation and can’t stay out as long as I’d like, so I went with what I thought was the right outfit.

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My outfit this day is a bit of my Joanna Cash (pardon the bad play on words) homage. I recently picked up the cowl neck sweater for a buck, it has some flaws, but with the jacket, I liked it. And it’s an XS!! The jacket, a fav! Black jeans and cute sneaks and out the door this girl goes!

My visit was uneventful but much better than I had anticipated. It certainly is not as large as The Cleveland Museum of Art, but I very much enjoyed it. And I am not really an art person. Here are a few photos of my visit.

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Not yet wanting to head home, I made my way to the nearby mall, one I frequent often. All I had planned on doing was walk the mall for a half hour and head home to see the dog. But as I walked into the door of Dillard’s of all places, I saw a vinyl record display. Bingo! I picked up a new copy of Abbey Road, one of the Christmas gifts on my list. I was so happy!!!!

So before I left, me and the dog did a little photo shoot. He is the cute one……

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A nice day, a good outfit, getting out in public, seeing a place I had never seen before, Abbey Road and me and my friend having some fun. Lucky me!!

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2020/11/11/rainy-days-and-thursdays/
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På rymmen

Inte ofta det händer men för en vecka sedan for vi hemifrån.

Vägen gick söderut. Vättern såg kall ut som vanligt men här skulle vi inte bada.

Efter 9 mil var vi framme vid Hooks Herrgård. Vi hittade dit utan GPS. Här skulle vi njuta av den fina presenten Lotta fick till sin 70-årsdag. En SPA-weekend.

Kändes kul att ta klivet in i den fina miljön.

Här började kameran må dåligt. Jag hade väl dreglat på den. Bilderna nedan är Hooks Herrgårds egna.

Vad man kan vänta sig i inredning på en herrgård. Klassisk.

Såg inbjudande ut men vi stack vidare…

…det varma badet. Där var det riktigt skönt. Vi nöjde oss med det men det fanns flera bad.

Här är bildbeviset på att vi badade.

Trerätters med gott att dricka som avslutades med en crème bryle.

Glest med folk under frukosten. Folk höll avstånd.

Alltid gott med ”hotellfrukost”. Speciellt när det inte händer så ofta.

Tog en sväng i omgivningarna innan vi åkte hem. Ångrade att jag inte tagit med mig fiskeutrustningen.

Via City Gross och Jula var hemma igen hos alla djuren.

Det var skönt och välbehövligt att vara hemifrån några dagar. Tack än en gång!

from Flytten till landet https://zekezypt.com/2020/11/10/pa-rymmen/
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Trying To Recreate Normalcy

I have reached out to Kandi’s pastor (different than mine, which is why I referred to him this way) and another local pastor whom I have a friendship with. Both churches are only live streaming. All I wanted to do is walk into the back of a church during the live stream, sit quietly, properly masked and observe. Then silently slip out the back door. But while both were kind beyond words, they didn’t really want to open up that can of worms, maybe having others want to do the same. So I turned to my actual church (not Kandi’s), the Catholic church, which seems to be the only one up and running, to feed my needs. Something to do dressed nicely, out in public, a Sunday morning activity and of course, giving me a place to worship.

October 25, 2020 – Allow me first to address two parts of my presentation this day. First of all, you can see I went back to my pre-COVID wig. This was done for a few reasons. While I will acknowledge I do, in fact, look better with long and lighter hair, maintaining long hair (a wig) remains difficult. Cold weather means static electricity. Wearing a jacket, in this case a wool jacket, creates a great deal of tangles. Tangles need to be combed out. Combing out a long wig pulls out hair and over time the wig gets beat up and thinned out. Since I am not made of money, I will wear the older wigs on short outings (like this one) and the longer ones when I am at an event or a Supper Club. I will also say, frankly, I am much more comfortable in this wig than the “better” looking ones and it’s not even close.

Also, I had a pesky cut on my chin from shaving. So with a little eyeliner, that obvious cut became a cute little mole. Improvise, ladies!

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So let’s talk about my church outfit. Perfect for the occasion and circumstances. The center point of the outfit is this lovely Isaac Mizrahi wrap skirt. I love the grey turtleneck with it, triple draping necklaces, dark hose and my cute little bow shoes. I just picked up the earrings at Dillard’s as discussed in a recent post. Another day being out and never once thinking about the fact that I am dressed as I am (outside of the fact that I looked good). It was just a day, as it should be.

So here we are heading out the door, the first time I have been able to wear this overcoat I picked up at the end of last winter for almost nothing at a thrift.

This day was a short one, but a nice one. My first stop was a diner in an arcade downtown. A relatively small diner, but pretty crowded. I enjoyed my meal. But as always, no one paid me any particular attention. I do love breakfast and for me, there is little better than scrambled eggs, home fries and coffee. Oh yeah, and waitresses called me “honey” and “sweetie”, while that may be what they call everyone, I still enjoyed it!

After my meal, I masked up (I wore a disposable mask into the diner, but held it over my face to preserve my makeup since my face would be seen while eating). Once the mask went on for church, that was it for the day, it would be on until I got home.

Mass was nice, everyone all spread out, so human interaction was lacking, but I just want to be human, be part of a group of other humans, doing so safely. I NEED any human connection.

That was my morning, about three hours of time well spent. Yeah, it was a small percentage of what I used to be able to do, but it was a small slice of normalcy. I will continue to seek small slices of normalcy. I need small slices of normalcy.

A lovely morning, me being me, me looking nice, me seeing others, me being happy. Since I lost that weekly shift at the art museum, this will be my go to outing to ensure I get out in public at least once weekly. Not too bad for an old broad!

See the updated Supper Club page!

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2020/11/10/trying-to-recreate-normalcy/
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Photoshoot 4

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I just became aware of a flaw in my receipt of messages through the “Contact” page. If you sent me a message over the last few months and I didn’t respond, I am very sorry and will respond soon if I already haven’t. I believe I have corrected the issue. My most sincere apologies, I always respond to my readers!

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2020/11/09/photoshoot-4/
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Lunch with Karla and Farewell to Hannah

By Dee

In mid-September I had the combination of free time and the urge to get out, so I ventured out three times in five days.

Wednesday morning I headed to Nordstrom, where my friend Karla was working. I was wearing a blue floral summer dress I bought earlier this summer at Nordstrom, along with the Columbia blue cardigan I bought in February in Australia. Karla and I chatted for a while at the store and then went to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory (when I’m dressed, I am always happy to go to the Cheesecake Factory, because I have always been treated kindly–although their meals are not kind to my waistline). It was fun catching up.

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The following Saturday I had the afternoon free and was deciding where to go, but I knew all along where I should go. On Wednesday Karla had told me that Hannah, a SA I had met previously, had given her two weeks notice and her last day was that Saturday. I wore another summer dress I bought at Nordstrom, and the other cardigan I bought in Australia. I had another SA chase down Hannah and she filled me in on her plans; going back to school and getting an MBA, perhaps at the University of Colorado at Boulder. We talked for about a half hour, and I wished her well in her future endeavors, and she happily posed for the selfie (Karla on the left, Hannah in the center).

That night we had a dinner meeting for the St. Louis Gender Foundation. The meeting was actually a two-parter; dinner at a local restaurant, and the meeting at a nearby LGBT support group location. Given the current circumstances, I chose not to attend the dinner but I did attend the meeting. I wore my new jumpsuit to the meeting, having brought it to Nordstrom and changing in the change rooms there. After the meeting, I didn’t want the night to end, so I visited a local casino for about an hour, playing a video blackjack machine and losing a few dollars (I am not a big gambler, but casinos are a good venue to go to dressed).

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On Sunday I had a late afternoon tennis match in west St. Louis County, so I decided to visit an outdoor outlet mall beforehand (and then clean up and change into my tennis clothes for the match). I noticed on Saturday that Hannah was wearing a black dress with boots and black pantyhose (she said she likes wearing pantyhose!), so in a homage to her I wore my Princess Highway black dress, black pantyhose, and my black boots. 

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Unfortunately, it was too warm for pantyhose, so I had to take them off after about a half-hour (while I was trying on some clothes in a change room). Then I figured out that wearing the boots without the pantyhose was going to kill my feet with blisters, so I had to abort my girl time earlier than planned–but not before a SA at the Calvin Klein outlet said she liked my dress (me too; another item in my wardrobe I don’t get to wear often enough).

Lost my match, and had to buy bandaids to put on my blisters, but it was still three fun days to get out.

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2020/11/08/lunch-with-karla-and-farewell-to-hannah/
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