An Observation

Not only is this something very different for each one of us in terms of how we are able to scratch the itch, is is very different as it relates to what pleases us.

For me, it’s the “mirror”. I don’t necessarily mean the actual mirror, which is a small part of it. For me, the mirror is how society reflects back to me as to how I fit into it all. I look at how I have assembled myself in the mirror and know I have done well and am ready to become part of the general public out and about. If it were possible, I’d skip the entire preparation process, I wish I never had to shave anywhere and everywhere again, applying my makeup remains a necessary evil. Drudgery. While I enjoy the outfit assembly process, it too is time consuming. All the things it takes to get out the door take away from the time I can spend out that door!

If you read Marie’s posts, clearly for her this is a sensory experience. The smells, the feeling/touch, the sensations of being dressed. She talks about powders, perfumes, baths, how a specific item of clothing feels, the breeze on her skirt, femininity. Every detail of an outfit.

For me, that all means very little. I don’t even think about what I am wearing or how I feel once I get out there. Once an outfit is removed, it’s pretty much forgotten. On to the next one! It’s other people that drive me. That smile from a stranger, that complement from a theater patron. While I do feel female, I never feel feminine. I am sure that doesn’t make any sense, but it’s me. I don’t revel in femininity. I wear women’s clothing, like a woman does. And women are themselves all different. Tomboys, girly girls, strong women, business women, athletes, etc…

For many of you, being a woman is BEING you. For me, being a woman is specifically NOT being me. It’s become a persona I am comfortable with and one that allows me to escape the problems in my life. Kandi, the fictional character (and indeed she is), is a skin I slip into to take the world away from me and just focus on the goodness out there. She allows me a tunnel vision that is impossible for me otherwise. She is indeed a gift. She is not me however, but she contains many of my attributes. I’m splitting hairs here, but I am more her than she is me.

Different strokes for different folks. The interesting part is realizing all the layers and textures to all of this. It’s not as simple as slipping into that dress once you decide to take it further.

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2019/08/07/an-observation/
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