This is a reworked and updated post from the past and I am pleased to report, I have yet to experience any negative reaction to me when out. I NEVER take this for granted, remaining vigilant with my rules of the road. I am certain I have raised eyebrows, elicited comments, but no one has ever directly voiced anything negative, I have never felt unsafe when out dressed.
I have been going out in public frequently since January 2015, usually about three times a week. When I do go out, I rarely just go to one place and call it a day. Outings generally consist of probably three stops. Maybe picking up some makeup somewhere, getting a bite or glass of wine and then wherever I am headed. I would conservatively estimate I’ve been out almost 500 times, been in thousands of different situations and/or places. I present myself very well now, but that wasn’t always the case. Early on I sought to place myself in very feminine situations, like bra fittings, bridal fittings, shopping for dresses, makeup classes, involvement with women’s social groups and/or female volunteer situations. I have been fearless about just being a woman in public. While making sure many of the world class organizations I work for (The Cleveland Art Museum, Great Lakes Science Center, etc.) know my real identity for necessary legal/liability purposes, I am 100% Kandi to them, in name, in their records, etc.
Now I simply do what anyone else would do, go where anyone else would go, comport myself no differently that any other woman my age. As you now know, most of my outings now are volunteer related. Many of the places I frequent welcome me warmly upon my entry. In all of those situations, I have “normalized” my presence.
Not once have I been insulted, called a name, been denied the treatment any other woman would receive. I am certain eyes have rolled behind my back. While I have been called “he” or “him”, it has never been done derisively, it has mostly been done out of ignorance. I have been accepted in many female social circles, been “ma’am’d”, had doors held open for me, been given the cherished “hello ladies”, had my meal and/or drinks paid for, shared drinks and conversation with “normal” people, and I could go on and on. These things still happen and always thrill me, they never get old.
I follow my “Be’s” religiously and will reiterate them here (yeah, I’m a broken record): Be smart, be appropriate, be confident and be visible. That confidence is the absolute key to moving about freely. A smile is the single most valuable “accessory” we girls have. Being smart generally keeps me out of places where prejudiced people would congregate or at least feel free to express themselves publicly. Being appropriate keeps me from standing out for negative reasons. And that confidence……nothing like it! The lack of confidence throws off a negative vibe, puts others on edge immediately. But a smile immediately puts others at ease and generally puts them in a positive frame of mind in their approach to you.
Many of you regular readers may be tiring of me preaching these rules, but for the girl out there just discovering herself, they may make a difference, so please bear with me.
So what my point? If you do it right, you can go out. You can be the woman you really want to be, you can be accepted in public. Get out there!! The more often we present ourselves in a ladylike fashion, the more the stereotypes are broken down and the reality of who we are start to become the public image.
from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2019/08/24/zero-negative-experiences-so-far/
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