Our friend, Pat Scales, some time back, wrote a series posts of her experiences and observations. She has graced us with some more (and it is greatly appreciated by yours truly!).
Once I got comfortable with the concept of dressing and once I started to put together a wardrobe, the urge to get out of the house while dressed intensified. During the 1990s, while the kids were still at home, this was a struggle. I did get to a Tri-Ess meeting once or twice but I just could not get out. Even when I did go, the group thing was just not my bag. I understand the value and purpose of having a safe place to go when dressed but sitting around and talking about things with other like minded folks is not the same as mingling with a more diverse population.
In many ways I have been fortunate. I did well in school and got an advanced degree that enabled me to get a decent job that I have now held for four decades. We were never big spenders and did what we could to save and about 20 years ago we were able to purchase a small second house near the Jersey shore. I continued to work 50-70 hour weeks up in New York and my wife spent time down the shore with me heading down weekends and sometimes for one mid-week night.
My wife lives in fear that someone may find out my ‘secret’. This is a genuine concern that she has and I respect her fears. As much as I hate doing things that she does not know about I balanced the scales and just figured that is was easier and safer if I just went out dressed without her knowledge. I just rationalized that she did not need anything else to worry about.
While I do my best to present as nicely as possible, I am a large man in all regards blessed with a body more suited for being a linebacker than for dressing in hose and heels. Passing is only something I do in my car on the highway. If I was going to get out I needed a place that was safe and my thinking was that I would find the most acceptance and safety at LGBT bars. Ten years ago there were four primarily LGBT bars I could drive to in less than 40 minutes.
Getting dressed and heading to one of these places became a fairly regular occurrence. I would come home from work, shower, shave, pick an outfit, put on my makeup and go. I am not a big drinker and since I was driving I would never have more than two drinks. Over time I became a bit of a regular. I knew which nights were karaoke nights and which place ran a “Drag” bingo night. I made friends and, to a certain extent, when I would show up it was “Hi Pat”…not unlike “Hi Norm” on Cheers.
One by one, however, these gay bars all closed and went out of business. Historically, LGBT bars were important, especially in the suburbs and rural areas. Back in the days there was a stigma about being gay and gay people needed a safe place to go and feel safe and accepted. Today being gay is very widely accepted. Trump’s ambassador to Germany is a gay man and one of the speeches given at the Republican Convention supporting Trump was from a prominent gay businessman. My son and his husband live in a rural/redneck part of the state and they have full and complete acceptance. The need for LGBT bars has largely vanished. I am not saying that bigotry and hatred of others has been eradicated, it is just no longer profitable for these safe havens and as such the business model of the gay bar/restaurant is not sustainable.
This evolution is, in general, a good thing. Nevertheless, the comfort and acceptance that I felt in these places disappeared. This coincided with a rough time in my life regarding work, living and a severe bout of the shingles. Over the past few years I just did not get out and about that often.
More next Friday………..
from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2019/10/04/getting-out-and-about-with-pat-part-viii/
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