The Need for Community

This is a follow-up, written two weeks after the outing discussed in yesterday’s post. Since I made friends with my neighbor that day, I have seen her twice while playing pickleball and once at our (my wife and my) church (as opposed to Kandi’s church). Being Kandi is a complete nonissue. I am now hooked on playing pickleball. It allows me to feed my competitive side (much more important to me than my Kandi side in my pecking order). I actually cancelled an upcoming planned Kandi outing to play, which was ironically this evening.

An activity that appeals to me has one principal component, a sense of community. That exists in my running. That exists in my volunteer activities, those that I enjoy the most. That exists in my church. That exists in places that I frequent, like my Third Friday visits. That exists with my friends and my passion for music. That exists in my yoga. That exists now in playing pickleball. Men and woman, young and old, rich and poor, working and retired, just having fun and competing in a very friendly and supportive fashion.

I guess why I have not been able to wrap my arms around my job, there now for soon to be seven years, which puts food on my table and gives me a very favorable work schedule is that I am a disposable asset. I am not a part of the team as I am a self-employed subcontractor. I am a key component in the supply chain, my function essential. But I am considered more a cog in the machine, not valued, disposable and easily replaceable. No sense of community. No sense of belonging. Co-workers that I have worked side-by side with for years have lunches, cookouts, holiday parties, etc. I am not ever invited. It’s not bad, please don’t get me wrong. It’s just not good either, simply it is what it is. When at work, I am in some form of personal limbo, just biding my time, getting through. It gives me zero sense of accomplishment. In any other endeavor, I enjoy the “job well done”. Not here. For example, when I cut the lawn, afterward I like to admire the job well done for a few minutes. It wasn’t hard, it wasn’t difficult, but I feel like I accomplished something. Work? Show up, produce, go home.

As I reflect on my life, it’s that feeling of belonging that makes the things, places, people, organizations valuable to me important. Being Kandi is no longer a “feminine experience”, that feeling is long since gone. It’s being someone many want to be around, get to know, being unique, loved. We all evolve, I have and it’s different than it was before. Kandi remains important, she just isn’t my everything.

Yeah, I know, too much time to think this past holiday week…..

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2019/12/04/the-need-for-community/
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