2020 Me?

After a few weeks on Kandi shutdown, with more than usual spare time and the family coming and going, I kind of look forward to how I’ll do things differently in the coming year. It’s not so much a “resolution” thing, it’s just that there is no other time of the year where I am not all that busy. The holidays, without the time sponge in play, with more days off from work, with the colder weather (although we did have some unusually nice weather this past year), no races, no yard work, I just have time to breathe a bit, reflect and think.

I am determined to make the most of my Kandi time while also trying to cut her back a bit. Fewer “big” outings and more “small” ones. More of the everyday things I can do while dressed. A simple hour or so out without a giant commute. I’d like to do this for a few reasons. I want my time as Kandi to remain special, not just be more of the same. I’ll use my ice cream analogy. I love ice cream! But if I ate it everyday and for every meal, I’d get huge and my health would suffer. But a nice bowl on Sunday afternoon after having prepared a nice dinner for my wife and I, nothing better! It’s special. Being Kandi is a treat, it’s that ice cream, not my morning breakfast, something I do every day.

Also, I have to get serious about more work. I gave myself 2019 to find some type of part time work as Kandi. Time to make some sacrifices so I don’t die as a Walmart greeter. My attempts at networking have come up empty and I get that. All the networking was done as Kandi. Most people I have connected with have no real ability to help me. Plus, I get it, Kandi is not a real person. You can say what you will about that, but it’s the truth. I cannot tell you how many times people, well meaning and sincere people, have said we should do this or do that. Honest, look you in the eyes, promises. I give them my contact information and you know what happens, 100% percent of the time? Nothing. No further contact. No calls, no texts, no e-mails. And we never do what was discussed. I never myself bring up doing these things knowing this, the other person always does and yet, nada! Kandi, the great non-person, the fictitious character. An interesting evening or discussion but not someone worth knowing. Again, say what you will, but that is now five years of real world experience.

I digress….over the past two years, I have become spoiled due to my condensed work schedule (two days a week). Those days will soon come to an end. I love my ability to get dressed and do whatever. But I need to focus on what really matters. Providing. Family. Friends. I’ll continue to meld my Kandi world with my own. I’ve successfully done this quite a few times. My father is (and has been for some time) dealing with many health issues. He may and probably will need kidney dialysis beginning very soon. My mother doesn’t drive. They live a few miles from me, so I am sure I will be involved in driving him to his sessions. Life, bitter and sweet all at the same time.

I’ve come to realize something about myself. I very much enjoy social situations and am particularly drawn to a sense of community, which I have talked about here frequently. Running gives me that. There is a strong communal and supportive community there. I am now involved in playing pickleball, which happened because someone who got to know Kandi first, came to know me otherwise (okay, one person did follow through with me, but again not Kandi). It is very much a social and communal activity. Many of my Kandi activities feed that sense of community: the museum, the community theaters, my church, the network of other serial volunteers I am associated with.

I never thought 2020 would be a year I would ever see and now here we are! It sounds like science fiction or a Zager and Evans song (Google it). So I guess we move forward and make the best of it. I’ve developed a life philosophy which may sound counter-intuitive, but is the absolute truth. Trust no one, love everyone. In this day and age, you cannot trust anything anyone says. Not a phone call, not a text, not an email, not a knock on the door. BUT, I can look you in the eye and give of myself. Love is all we got. Let’s get this year started!!

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/2020-me/
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