A rewrite and an update for current circumstances. You’re going to get your money’s worth today!
This is a pet saying of mine. This described my volunteering and what Kandi had become. A very selfish unselfish lady. Alas, those days seem so long ago. They are a very long time away from ever getting back to what they were. That saddens me greatly.
I am a selfish SOB. I want to be happy. I want to have fun. I want to look pretty. I want to be loved. I want to be accepted. I want to be the best husband. I want to be an even better father. I want to be popular. I want to be at ease. I want to experience new things. I want to laugh. I want to love. I want to be loved. I want to smile all day, every day. I want to be admired. I want to be valued. I want to mean something. I want to win the race, not just run well. I want to make a difference. I want to excel. I want to beat your behind competitively. I want to win. I want to be the best. I want to be noticed. I want that moment when you know that dress is…….you! I want that feeling when you achieve something you never thought possible. I want to be appreciated.
I have achieved some of these goals, fallen well short of many others. I am no different than anyone else.
But I get much more satisfaction from others. I want my family to be comfortable. I want my family and friends to be happy. I want to see you smile. I want to make you smile. I want to get that hug, that meaningful hug (a relic of the past, these will not come back quickly even after all of this has passed). I want to help others, even if it only means I make them smile for that moment. I want my chosen charities to thrive, succeed. I want us all to just get along. I want us all to remember, we are all different. I want you to love whoever you want. I want you to have someone to love. I want you to have a job (current economic circumstances make me sick, PLEASE don’t forget those 36 million who have lost their jobs, also victims of the virus). I want you to achieve the long lost American dream. I want you to help me preach my gospel.
I have significant character flaws. I truly have an inability to be creative in the context of finding that opportunity, creating the life I seek. My mind is process oriented, not forward looking or with the ability to see outside the box. I am stuck in the box. I used to love that box, now it seems like a cell.
When dressed, I have had drinks purchased for me. I have had total strangers walk up and ask to give me a hug (I miss those). I have been complemented thousands of times. I have had meals paid for. I have felt like a million dollars. I have been truly blessed, but not without my share of life’s challenges.
None of this matters if we don’t learn to accept each others differences and just love each other. Be selfishly unselfish. Give and take. Love and accept love. Move society forward.
To this end, I have taken my show off the road, knowing it will be quite sometime before I can get back out there the way I want to. Even the way our economy-killing governor will allow. Kandi is a social creature, even when places open back up, socialization will be difficult. So on three different platforms (this being one of them, obviously) I have taken my greatest asset, my smile, and have tried to spread it a bit. So do me a solid and smile right now and then hold on to that at least for the day.
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So I recently made friends with a fellow runner. He’d run Boston many years ago and knows how to run and train. I do not. I train based on my own instincts, not using any designed training regimen. I am more of a bull, I just plow through tasks and hurdles (sometimes to my detriment). So last Saturday we ran a half together (13.1 miles) and I ran so much better with companionship. He thinks I can qualify for Boston (from his lips to God’s ear). My motivation has been low given the feeling of isolation (not loneliness, but isolation from everything that matters to me) and the fact that I am training for nothing. There may be no organized races this year. So as you read this he and I are going all the way, we’re running a full (26.2 miles). Why not?
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Bonus post!
So yesterday I got out! All morning I was busy, grocery shopping for us and my parents (cooped up in their apartment for months with no end in sight), I ran five miles as a warm up to the aforementioned marathon run and then did a complete shave down. Our garage refrigerator went on the fritz the day before, so I had to wait for the repairman to do his thing. This all got done and I had about five hours until my wife got home with nothing to do on a very rainy day.
Malls are now open, although most of the stores have not yet opened. I wanted to get out without all the work necessary so I actually used the mask to my advantage. Since I was in complete girl shape with the full body and facial shave I had done, I threw an outfit together on the fly. No makeup, but the mask and sunglasses did the trick. Makeup would have required quite a bit of time rolling it on and more time getting cleaned up afterward. I went with my new shorter wig, it worked very well for what I was trying to do. Given the weather, my new long wig would have been a disaster.
I am not going to lie. It felt GREAT to hear my heels click, to wear a skirt in PUBLIC and shop like a woman. Dillard’s usually has lingerie on clearance, you have to check in frequently to get the bargains. I picked up a pair of panties in a favorite style and an absolutely adorable bracelet, silver and white flowers (I love the cuteness of flowers).
All in, two hours, but I scratched an itch that had been eating at me. I am praying for a nice Sunday (but don’t expect it as it is supposed to rain, again) tomorrow and if I get it, I am going out for a brunch (we can dine outdoors right now in Ohio), maybe a mimosa and a light meal. Just to sit there in a skirt will be delightful, but I am a bit skeptical Mother Nature will cooperate.
This one felt GREAT!!!!!
from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2020/05/16/selfish-unselfishness/
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