I received the following e-mail, which is being shared with you all with permission. It was beyond touching. This is from a dear friend, which is all I’ll say.
Hi Kandi:
Since I am also a straight, happily married CD, who has also reached a very satisfying accommodation of my femme needs in my marriage, I have been impressed with how you achieved such success in your frequent public outings. Because we know each other in our face-to-face relationship and from frequent online exchanges, you know that I also enjoying total support and acceptance of my wife of many years. I will avoid sharing more information about us, because this contribution is about you, not us.I want to share the following from a conversation I had with my wife after we both read and discussed several of your latest postings and the supporting pictures of you as Kandi. She reads your web site often and she gave her permission to share the following with you as long as you promised to protect our identities. So, here goes.
I asked my wife, “How do you think of Kandi? Do you see Kandi as a “guy in a dress”, or do you see her as a woman, or as a person in between two genders, or what?” I went on to clarify my question. I used the word “relate”. I asked her, “when we are face-to-face with Kandi in social sittings, or even when you think about her, how to do you relate to her?”
Her immediate response without any pause was that she relates to you as a woman, and that she sees you as a woman. We had quite a long discussion about this, but the summary of her explanation was that she doesn’t think of you as a male per se, even though in her highly educated, intellectual mind she knows you are a genetic male.
She said that her connection to you is woman-to-woman. She explained that she would say things to you that she would never, ever say to a man, other than me. She would discuss things with you that she would hesitate to discuss with a male… you know, things that only women talk about.
Another part of the explanation was that she knows intellectually that you are a male, but that she does not relate to you as a male in her intellectual, logical mind. Her thoughts on this came clear to me when she said, “my woman-to-woman connection to Kandi is an emotional connection, not one involving the logic side of my brain.” She then reminded me of the left brain, right brain theory about differences between males and females.
She also discussed her view that there is a big difference between sex and gender. She said she knows your sex is genetically a male, but that Kandi enjoys frequent dress up time in her feminine gender. As a husband, father, and traditional family and member of a traditional society, “he” spends most of his life enjoying the role of a male who loves being a male.
However, when Kandi appears, she is in seventh heaven as she experiences this portion of her life (hours or days, etc) “being” in her female persona. The two roles and personas are not in conflict. Her need is to be in traditional male gender in addition to her need to be in traditional femme gender, that combine to make her a whole person. Kandi and her male persona fit perfectly together to make this human being a happy, complete, and highly satisfied person who loves and accepts who and what he and she are in total.
In fact, she is a more complete and happier person precisely because she has learned to accept herself in both personas and both genders. She has managed to do what so many cross dressers have found difficult to do, not only rid oneself of guilt and shame, but to arrive at a point where they actually love themselves in their femme self.
Being a traditional male with traditional needs and wants is highly satisfying, but so is setting aside time to be Kandi, a well dressed, pretty woman with a highly refined sense of self with feminine needs and wants. The greatest of these needs and wants is to be recognized as the women that she so enjoys and craves.
The reason that I am pointing this out to you is because I think it explains how you have so successfully evolved to “being” Kandi, not just a sum of skirts, dresses, lingerie, and such things that are feminine. You are far past that stage.
For a happily married heterosexual cross dresser, you have achieved what few others achieve, to not only be happy and fulfilled in your femme persona, but to thrive in a manner where Kandi is loved, appreciated, and helpful to others.
When you are Kandi for an hour or a day, you are 100% Kandi, not just a guy in a dress as a halfway effort. You are a woman in body, mind, and soul. You look like a woman, you act like a woman, and you are easily accepted by other women as a woman. It’s that simple.
So, the punch line is, “precisely BECAUSE you are so totally and completely Kandi that genetic women can so easily think of you and relate to you as a woman.” You play a major role that contributes to or reinforces their perception of you by how completely you present yourself as a woman. When you become Kandi in your own mind, you become Kandi in the minds of genetic women…not all of course, but many, or maybe even most.
The main characteristic of this temporary transition is that you are Kandi 100% for a short period of time. It’s not a halfway thing and it is not permanent. You seem not to harbor any need to transition to a life of being a woman 24/7 for the rest of your life. Nope. Never. Nada! You don’t want that or need that. But you do love and need to be 100% Kandi for periods of time, to be seen, to interact, and to mingle with real people, but as a woman we all know and love as Kandi.
My theory is that because you are so completely a woman in presentation, mind, and spirit that genetic women find it easy to accept you in to their circle of female friends. Because you ARE a woman in appearance, mind, and spirit, woman find it easy to accept you without the normal dividing lines that usually exists between males and females.
So, congratulations Kandi. If there were an Academy Award for achieving success as a straight, happily married cross dresser, you would be enjoying a few minutes of fame as you accept the award. You have earned it too.
I guess the only thing you have left is to merely enjoy those hours or days when you can be the Kandi you love, accept without shame or guilt. More importantly, while you are fulfilling your need to “being” Kandi, you are being helpful and productive in your volunteer work. You have found a win-win for achieving happiness, satisfaction, and community need.
Thank you for being one who does such a great job of educating others in our society and communities about how constructive and pleasant it can be to encounter or know a cross dresser. You do it all so well. Thanks.
NOYB
I received this e-mail a few weeks back, quite unexpectedly. Self-evaluation is difficult, it’s difficult to step outside of yourself and take an unbiased look at yourself. This was a gift. And while I have achieved some things in life, particularly being a husband and father, this is what I am best at. Now that doesn’t mean it’s the most important, my family stands above everything. But I am really good at this as my stated goal has never been to pass or fool anyone. It has simply been to be this woman and do it at ease, safely and happily, in mainstream society. That I have done and that is also a gift.
Thank you NOYB and Mrs. NOYB.
from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2020/10/02/dipping-into-kandis-mailbag/
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