My Relationship With My Wife

By Sherry Greer

Recently, Kandi asked me to write about “How do I reconcile going out knowing my wife isn’t overly supportive of it?”. The answer in two words is love and trust.

Love. Love is both a noun and a verb. As a noun it is an intense feeling of deep affection. As a verb it is to feel a deep romantic attachment to someone. Knowing my wife of 30+ years since the fall of 1982 I have had that intense feeling and romantic attachment to her since I saw her. Sure, we have had our times when we weren’t on the same page but those disagreements have been few. I told her about Sherry way back in 1992 but stayed in the closet for all of these years until four years ago when I turned 50.

It has been hard for her. She is 100% Italian and her parents are first generation immigrants. The gender roles for her were very set and something that is very hard to change. We have talked, argued, laughed, cried, gone to counseling, all steps to some sort of acceptance or at least tolerance. We have (and will continue) progressed together, and separately, through these steps. I am definitely a more loving and compassionate person who loves myself and in turn can loves others without regret. I know that things can change instantly but our love and desire to grow old with one another continues to prevail.

Trust. Trust in a relationship is something that two people build together, you have confidence and safety in and with one another. Trust takes time, it is hard to get and harder to keep. As we all experience these feelings of womanhood and the degree to which we want to express those feelings we are naturally guarded with our secret. Those secrets are usually kept (at least for me) as a way to not hurt our wives but often lead to mistrust. I recently didn’t tell my wife who I was with one evening and this has given her doubt and mistrust, I am working hard to regain her complete trust but she reminds me on occasion of my misstep.

Ultimately, we have made tremendous gains and she can joke with me about Sherry which means that she has come a long way to acceptance/tolerance of the other side of me. The other day I threw a blouse that I wore recently into the wash without telling her and when she realized it was mine she called me “a skinny bia—“! There’s other examples as well. This is a process that can only happen with love and trust.

Stay beautiful-Sherry

We’re going to set the adventure posts aside for the balance of the week and be a bit reflective, analytical, thoughtful. I LOVE to write (yes, even more than to dress) and so I have written some things. Some old thoughts reconstituted, some new thoughts for consideration. So sit back and “turn the pages”. Your comments are always welcome!

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2020/10/05/my-relationship-with-my-wife/
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