What if?????

I believe this one deserves a replay!

What if I hadn’t self accepted in October 2014?  Where would I be now?

Some things I know for certain.  I would be about 50 pounds heavier, as the struggle would have continued and I would have eaten and drank to compensate.  I would have much more free time since Kandi and the runner would not exist.  That time would be filled with food and drink.

I would not be nearly as internally happy, that is a given.  I’d probably have grown a beard and kept the mustache to mask my inner feelings.  The snuff, which I did during the struggle and no longer even think about now, would probably have burned a hole in my lip and or worse.  All of the joys outside of Kandi that I have experienced, because I was happy, would not have happened.  My church and my church friends…..nope.  All those complements, the hugs, the love….nada.  My museum friends, would not exist.  The sheer joy in thinking about an outfit, vetting it and wearing it, being told I’m wearing a pretty dress….only a dream.  The euphoria I talked about the other day from racing, that would never happen.  I would not be as good of a husband (if in fact, I am a good husband) than I am now.

There probably would be some good that may have come of it.  More time not consumed by Kandi would have required my finding something else to get passionate about.  What would that have been?  There are things I find interesting that I simply do not have the proper time to dedicate to, some of which may have enhanced my ability to generate additional income.

We all have forks in the road, which we never know about until we look back.  Had I left that 1986 New Year’s Eve party 30 minutes sooner, I would never had met my wife, therefore would not have the wonderful daughters we have, etc…  I would not have been at that party had I called one friend instead of another to see what was going on that night.  Back in the day, with no cell phones, what if he wasn’t home when I called?

I often reflect on my blessings (while mindlessly attending to my job), thankful for that job, my family and the “other” woman that I dearly love, my Kandi!  She has changed my life in so many positive ways.

from Kandi's Land https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/2019/05/11/what-if/
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